wat bout pragnant strippers??
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
