just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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