You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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