A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
