The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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