i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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