I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is my gift to your gina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
