and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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