i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
