Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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