So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
