I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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