im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
