my sisters under your porch take her home
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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