I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
