it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
