addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
NoShamevember. You game?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
