I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there was a trapeze. enough said
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
