So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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