you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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