his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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