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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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