Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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