At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you.
Bad choice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
