i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
