I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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