Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
