I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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