hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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