You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
