who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
