i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
