Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
