You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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