who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
