RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
