I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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