you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
