It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
