made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
