im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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