I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
