just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
