dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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