Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
