first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
