i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
