Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
