Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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