Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize