I wish my penis had an off switch
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
