remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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