sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
