I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
