i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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