i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I touched a dick in church today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
