About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
