i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize