I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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