well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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