A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
