I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize