Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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