Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
