drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
