she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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