God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
