Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
