my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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