Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
