Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
