I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come share oat with me in your robe
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
