Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
