I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The air was thick with penises
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
