I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
