last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
