Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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