She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
