Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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