she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize