Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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