my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
