Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
