Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
