Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
