is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
