Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
