Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
