It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
